Back in the 40s and 50s, men and women had different views about sex. If a man liked a woman, he proposed marriage to her, if she felt the same way about him, she said “yes I do” and they got married. From what survey has shown, they stayed married, regardless of whether their sex life was good or not. Sex then was always with the man on top, no adventures, no… okay, let me leave it at that.
These days, when a man makes passes at you, woos you and begins to date you, the first thing he wants from you is sex! Why is this so? I have heard so many readers of Feminique telling me how their men gave sex as a condition for their continued relationship. Some had even gone as far as proposing marriage, but as soon as the ladies said yes, the next thing they asked for was sex. And the men often insisted that if they were not allowed to have their way, the marriage would not take place.
Why is this so? I mean, if this is somebody you are going to spend the rest of your life with, why the hurry? When I was in my early 20s, I had a guy who I was so much in love with. He dumped me for another lady because I refused his sexual advances. Then, I was so broken-hearted that I had wished I had said yes to him. But looking back now, I think it was selfish of him to have dumped someone he claimed he loved just because she wanted him to wait for a while. Why do men do this to us? What’s the big deal about sex? Does it have anything to do with love? Do men think women are not worth waiting for? Or do they just want to sleep with us and boast about it tomorrow?
Women are smarter now and are refusing to be used by anybody. If we must give it to you, then you must earn it. There is more to a woman than just having sex. A woman is not a sex object and should not be seen as one. Besides, sex is not enough to keep or sustain a relationship. You can have a partner with whom your sex life is perfect. Thereafter, you might not be able to find each other compatible outside the bedroom. Then what? Sex is no doubt important in a relationship, but it should not be the centre of it all. Sex, desire and lust are like alcoholism in their power. I think it is like cocaine. When you have sex or cocaine, you are high and everything is wonderful, heightened, you are in cloud nine or is it cloud 99.
In fact, you are in another world entirely. But afterwards, what next? People have said that the experience of sex within a loving relationship is an entirely different experience compared to casual sex. Only a fool would argue that having sex with a person you love isn’t nicer and more meaningful than sex with someone you don’t love. Doing anything with someone you love is nicer than doing it alone. The fact that sex is enhanced when you are in love doesn’t mean it is any more important or relevant to love than shopping together.
The question is: can love between men and women exist without sex? Well, yes it can. Men and women are on the receiving end. They are bound to look for something more meaningful than size or good stamina in a partner. Surveys show that women rate a sense of humour, kindness and security far above sexual attraction. No doubt, there’s still the idea that good sexual chemistry between two people is far more important than shared interests, shared humour and shared values, even though surveys show the opposite even for men.
Most men say the thing they value most in life is having dinner with their partners and watching television together. In other words, apart from sex, connection and companionship are what people still value in a partner. Other men, however, claim that women ask for it without necessarily saying so in so many words. They believe that when a woman visits a man at odd hours, or dresses seductively, she could be asking for it.
In conclusion, if a person wants to leave sex out of the relationship at its early stage, such a person should be open enough to say so to his or her partner before continuing with the relationship. Both have to agree. Whether we believe it or not, there are still some young women out there who will be relieved to know that their men do not consider them mere sex objects. They will even be more relieved to know that their guys will not dump them or abscond from a relationship simply because they refuse to “get down” with them. The choice is an individual thing and should be respected. What do you think?