This is a contribution from a lady who got married in her 30’s without breaking her virginity. A true-life story! She said it is more peaceful to keep one’s virginity, and narrated how her secondary school teacher helped her to avoid sexual immorality.
She is a teacher and a mother of her own children, but by extension she also became a mother to many teenage girls in Keke High School, near Pen Cinema, Agege, Lagos. I was in this school till 1998.
I happened to be among these girls. Though a Christian, the Bible has warned me about the bitterness of sex before marriage, especially when one is a teenager. But the most profound caution I got was from my teacher’s extra-mural lesson.
She taught us the truth about sex. During break time, she would gather girls in a well spaced classroom and begin to teach us no subject but sex.
She said sex is no doubt a great gift from the creator. And perverted and depraved minds (men) have no doubt taken advantage of the inexperienced girls.
She also said many children from infancy to adulthood were never taught even a cautionary word about sex by their parents. All they know about sex is from their peers in the neighborhood or at school.
This teacher, our mother, told us that at our age as teenagers, we may begin to feel like having sex.
“Is it a bad feeling?” she asked and told us to answer. Some said it was a bad feeling. Others said good.
She asked another question: “Who created us with the desire to drink water and eat food?” We all said God. She asked again: “Your desire to have sex came from who?”
Everybody said God.
She continued: “As regards getting thirsty and hungry, did God make provisions for solutions?”
We said yes, adding, “God provided food and water”.
“What then is God’s provision for quenching our desire to have sex?” she asked.
We answered: “God provided boys for girls and men for women.”
Everybody laughed hysterically.
“You all answered well,” she responded.
She continued: “But unlike water and food, God provided guidelines about sex. Even in cultures outside Christianity, sex before marriage and after marriage with another partner other than the marriage mate, is and was frowned at.
“And without going religious, if at your age you become pregnant, would it be easy physically, emotionally and materially for you?”
We said no.
“What if the boy who did it also denies you, would it be easy for you?”
We still said no.
“What if in your 20’s, you get married legally, and you become pregnant, would it be easy for you and your husband?”
We said yes.
‘Without reference to any culture or religion, when now, should girls have sex?”
“When married,” we chorused.
“You’re correct. And the Maker, who gave us water and food, also instituted marriage, and provided guidelines about sex.
“In fact, the major reason, God provided sex for us is for transmission of life to the unborn.
“God is the source of life and to him life is precious. In connection with sex, transmitting life is a holy assignment.
“No wonder in the world having sex is called love-making because it should be between married men and women, who are in love, and if it results in pregnancy the couples would prepare, wait for the babies’ arrivals and lovingly take care of them.
“Ultimately sex leads to bearing and rearing children. What a divine assignment from God!
“Let us still talk about food and water. If we fail to drink water at all, after a short time we will die. Same for food!
But if you abstain from sex, even throughout your life, would you be threatened by death?”
We all said no.
“Now that you have the urge to have sex and there is no provision for it, should we beg God to remove the urge?”
We all said no.
“What then should you do about the urge?
Chorusing, we said: “We don’t know.”
She said: “One Holy Writing said all that you need is self-control. All you need is self-control strengthened by morality.
“Whether you break your virginity or not, the urge for sex is endless. But keeping your virginity is better, because if you break it outside marriage, you must suffer from ‘temporary madness.’
“The urge for sex at this time will become unbearable. You will not likely be selective of your sex partners. Your case will be pitiable.”
What a priceless lecture! This teacher is now at Sango Secondary School, Agege, near Dairyfarm Secondary School
I personally discovered that after the age of 25, my urge for sex became less and even in my 30’s I never suffered from temporary madness because I was a virgin until I got married.
Thanks to my teacher, my ‘mother’!